In the start of the new year
I come out of the closet
At 35
In my hometown
In Wyoming
I do it by breaking my best friends heart
After skiing
We had so much fun
He kept me safe for a long time
We have the best dog
But I’m a late in life lesbian
Or third of a life lesbian?
I’m excited to be one
I start telling everyone
I get a lot of mixed reviews
“What girl did you sleep with to know your gay?”
So many people feel inclined to ask me this
I’ve never kissed a girl
I keep that to myself
I have to wait for lesbian life to start once my favorite dog dies
Then he can move out
It happens the same week I make a dress to tell the town I’m gay
Better Late than Never
The local newspaper beats me to it
I don’t feel very safe
How am I going to do this
I have to be very brave
A Love Story
We met in the summer
I had seen a prince in a play
They came and found me at the bar
Time stood still
We were both wearing fringe
I’m crushing on you
Same same same
In the fall
I drive across the state to stare at them
I sat in the chair and stared through the screen
The cowboys at the bar said
1: “Man that girl has been sitting there a long time.”
2: “It’s art, isn’t that the point “
Gayest thing I’d ever done
Their poem broke the Silence
The man next to me said
“Just another day in Dayton”
They changed
We were both wearing jumpsuits
I sat in the chair in Casper
No screen here
They wouldn’t look at me
I drove away
I’m sent a photo in a bow jumpsuit
So I sat in the chair in Jackson
I dressed up in sparkles and fringe
“What would the cowgirl mermaid do?!”
Silence broken by laughter
They liked to stare at me too
We settled
A tear fell
Time swirled
Magic.
I had to get up and leave
Break the spell
Someone else was there
Sometimes art is the safest place to keep a love story in Wyoming
Around Wyoming
In winter
I sit at a booth in a bar in Jackson
Writing a letter to the state legislature
Asking them to protect our rights
Can’t dance until after the letter
I don’t feel very safe trying to dance with a girl knowing the governments stance
My favorite Wyoming drag queens slays the stage
Ok I can dance harder now
I wish this was the nyc gay bars I loved
No one here can quite let their guard down
Same same same
We are in Wyoming
In the spring
I sit in a chair at lunch in Lander
The bow general came to lunch
I sewed a jumpsuit
I drew a picture
They met us at the restaurant
It’s safe because we’re with a man
We are all here to talk about art
I sit in a chair in a ballroom in Cheyenne
Surrounded by 500 others
We’ve always been here they tell us
We cheer on drag queens and play bingo for 5 hours
No one wants to leave this safety net
My friend and I are at ease
Everyone is so Wyoming
I’m so happy
I bet there are a lot of love stories in this room
In the summer
I sit at a picnic table at a ranch outside of Dubois
I’m with a crew of people that have lived more life than me
They tell me you don’t have to leave
They tell me their love stories
Many of them came out at my age
Even tougher times
Even tougher places
I love hearing their stories
I’ve never felt safer
I sit on a deck in Lander
We’re having lunch just the two of us
It’s safe for them because of their boyfriend
It’s not safe for me because of my epic crush
I’m playing with fire
But I have to know what
We go thrifting
We walk back to the cars in matching hats found at the thrift
A set of bags too
I hardly ever find 2 of a kind sets
I have to drive away
Damn it
They are who I think they are
I like them ALOT
Doesn’t matter though
I sit with the girls at a table in Utah
They have kept me safe since kindergarten
We set our goals for the year
I say I want to kiss a girl
They ask what would that entail
They would need to be out of the closet
They would have to like me
And I would have to like them
Feels like a needle in a haystack
A very small needle
In the fall
I sit at a table in Jackson
A breakfast date
I asked a girl out and she said yes
She’s slightly involved with a boy
But very honest
So I know it’s a road to nowhere
But a win is a win
It’s a very safe date
Gayest thing I’ve done so far
Nice to make a new friend in the end
And I hit my 2025 goal
1 date with a girl
Now I can relax until next year
Try again
I’ve done a lot of gay things since I came out I still haven’t kissed a girl
Yet
It won’t happen if I stay on my couch
With my dog
I have to be brave
Go out and meet strangers
There are a lot of haystacks out west
I’m good at finding needles
Some might prick me
Some might stitch things back together
A poem by Courtney
Paintings + Poem are part of my series I made last year out of my childhood bedroom dealing with the grief and heartbreak and magic of coming out later in life in my hometown in Wyoming.
I designed a tee + hoodie to celebrate being in the place that I feel ready to share this body of work